As promised, here's the one on my polka dotted 2 month old friend! I like blogging about inanimate objects just to give them a life of their own. You know, one of these things you'd do to keep coming back to certain things in your life. A momentary or fleeting past time if you will. If you don't know what am talking about, am sure you will once you've read this.
One touch was all it took for my palms to melt. Made with the softest threads and the brightest colours, my candid comforter added some spice to my life. I usually don't like bright pink. But this one was entirely an exception. I bought it from a friend who didn't like the colour when she received this by courier. Apparently it was too bright. I didn't mind because it was smooth as silk and was seamlessly thick. Now, for those who are unfamiliar with "comforters", they happen to be a type of blanket. Pretty thick but I think with gold dust inside and a lot of powder puffs! When I leave this place, am going to see what actually lies inside and then knit it all back and take it with me of course.
The jazzy C I have come to believe, has some magical powers. Beneath that Mille-feuille of soft cloth lies something mystical. The minute you lay your hands on it, you are overcome by some form of relaxation. All your worries are guaranteed to be dismissed with that. It has to be felt to be believed. Nothing like a close friend, a 90's movie, strawberries, a pseudo bean bag like couch, and my cozy comforter. Always with me, come hot or cold, in joy or sadness, my only friend with whom I can be myself. And something I can introduce to my folks! (maybe thats taking it a bit too far) If you've seen The Jetsons and you remember Judy's talking diary, you know what am talking about. Except, I won't go overboard and say that my comforter talks to me. When I let my imaginations run wild, I do try keeping them on a short leash.
Jazzy C has a life of her own. Yeah its a she. If you didn't get that till now, I have nothing to say. Also, if you ask me why write about a blanket, well, I don't have an answer. Sometimes it helps to draw attention away from all the drama in life and just channel it all into something new. Just like how you want to think of a sunny day with bright skies, a rainbow across, birds chirping and laughing voices when deep inside you have a thousand thoughts on your mind and the world is on your shoulders.
Every blog has something to give back. See what you can find in this one and let that be your comforter.
Cheers!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Read it while it's hot!
Why Red? Well, Red is the new me. Red is for the new theme. Red is the RPI school colour. Red is the color of the sheets at home. Red is my sweatshirt. Red is the colour of the leaves just before winter. Red is for envy. Red is for passion. Red is for everything around me. Red is short for redefine.
Who wants things to be the same old same old? After 2 weeks of tumults and ferris wheels of emotions, I decided to focus my attention on something new. All day I was thinking of some theme for my blog. A splash of colour, a splash of happiness, and inventing a space just for myself. I went around taking pics of the sunset in the evening. I think I'm beginning to appreciate photography now. And am not talking about my photos! The bare trees in the background of the bright orange of the sky is even prettier when you have your own camera to click to perfection. I think that was a stronger motivation behind the Red! Even though nothing is as constant as change, I like the fact that nobody but I have the power to change this small space I've created for myself. And that is my blog.
Weather changes, colours change, fashion changes, hair lengths change, moods change, technologies change, but what hits you the hardest is when people change and when you yourself change. Am not talking about temperaments, am talking about an entire change of personality. It's amazing how experiences can totally take you for a ride. Make you believe you are someone and then when you're done experiencing that, you realize you perhaps aren't the same anymore. By experience I mean relationships, places you've been to, things you like to do over a period of time. And when you're done with that, you are forced to step across and keep walking. For three years I thought I was someone and then now I am at a point where I have a better idea of who I am not than who I am. It really is true that every experience teaches you something.
With winter approaching and temperatures hitting sub zero, I look forward to "chilling the *^(#" out as my friend puts it and embracing change. Having said that, am not the kind of person who says "Oh, well, maybe it was meant to be this way or that". I don't have any qualms of trying or doing things that make me happy. I have one life and would like to live it knowing that I've tried "this" out because it made me happy. So what if it backfires? Atleast I would be more at peace with myself for having tried it out. I write this because I come across more and more instances where this is tested every day. And if I don't hold onto my convictions, I have nothing (quoting Phoebe, slightly modified).
Okay, this blog came out to be a little too serious. What I initially wanted to write about was my polka dot comforter! But shifting topics now would seem rather inconsistent with the rest of my blogs, so I'll save the story about my polka dotted mate for next time! I'll try to make the read worth the wait! Until then, grab a paperback, get a steaming cupa and stretch your legs a little!
Welcome to my new world :)
Who wants things to be the same old same old? After 2 weeks of tumults and ferris wheels of emotions, I decided to focus my attention on something new. All day I was thinking of some theme for my blog. A splash of colour, a splash of happiness, and inventing a space just for myself. I went around taking pics of the sunset in the evening. I think I'm beginning to appreciate photography now. And am not talking about my photos! The bare trees in the background of the bright orange of the sky is even prettier when you have your own camera to click to perfection. I think that was a stronger motivation behind the Red! Even though nothing is as constant as change, I like the fact that nobody but I have the power to change this small space I've created for myself. And that is my blog.
Weather changes, colours change, fashion changes, hair lengths change, moods change, technologies change, but what hits you the hardest is when people change and when you yourself change. Am not talking about temperaments, am talking about an entire change of personality. It's amazing how experiences can totally take you for a ride. Make you believe you are someone and then when you're done experiencing that, you realize you perhaps aren't the same anymore. By experience I mean relationships, places you've been to, things you like to do over a period of time. And when you're done with that, you are forced to step across and keep walking. For three years I thought I was someone and then now I am at a point where I have a better idea of who I am not than who I am. It really is true that every experience teaches you something.
With winter approaching and temperatures hitting sub zero, I look forward to "chilling the *^(#" out as my friend puts it and embracing change. Having said that, am not the kind of person who says "Oh, well, maybe it was meant to be this way or that". I don't have any qualms of trying or doing things that make me happy. I have one life and would like to live it knowing that I've tried "this" out because it made me happy. So what if it backfires? Atleast I would be more at peace with myself for having tried it out. I write this because I come across more and more instances where this is tested every day. And if I don't hold onto my convictions, I have nothing (quoting Phoebe, slightly modified).
Okay, this blog came out to be a little too serious. What I initially wanted to write about was my polka dot comforter! But shifting topics now would seem rather inconsistent with the rest of my blogs, so I'll save the story about my polka dotted mate for next time! I'll try to make the read worth the wait! Until then, grab a paperback, get a steaming cupa and stretch your legs a little!
Welcome to my new world :)
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
New found FOBness!
Hey all. I wish I could program some sort of catchy lead up for this one! A drum roll maybe. Cause this blog is silly, unimportant and still I wanted to mention it here, just to run away from all the seriousness of work and other things.
So what's with the title? I recently added another word to my rather outdated vocabulary. Something that wasn't present even in those 4000 GRE words I crammed to get here. Its called FOBness or FOBnes. In the following paragraphs, I'll talk about how I "discovered" this word! (Talk about blogging about anything and turning into something of my liking)
The other day a couple of friends and I went to watch a movie at a theater in Albany. I felt like I was going to Inox on MG road, Pune until I reached the car park. A stark difference. That was India, this is America. You can tell from the car park! Apart from other things of course. So we bought tickets, a "small" (read Extra Large) cup of Coke, and finally a place to sit in the movie hall. And then trailers began. One after the other, until the last one. Where they showed the title of the movie we actually went to watch. Forgetting for a minute or two about my geographic orientation and location, I asked my friend on the right, "So hey, what about the national anthem before the movie?", and I wasn't being sarcastic or trying to be a wise crack. I genuinely thought there would be one! Hey, 4 years of Pune! What did I know! My friend, who's been here for 3 years, laughs and says "There IS no national anthem! Such FOBness I tell ya!" And that my friend, is the beginning of many FOB-ical blunders in this land of white, black, thin, fat, anorexic, bulimic, and generally ok people!
Anyway, the FOB in FOBness is short for "Fresh off the Boat"! Now you know where this blog is going! If any of you guys have read "The Inscrutable Americans", you know what am talking about! I feel like am straight out of the book, coming so far away with home made pickles, masalas, and stainless steel vessels! There have been other instances too where I've made a complete fool of myself and proud of it too :) Oh, the joy of small things!
Is it that silly to make a fool of one's self, I asked myself. Apparently, if it makes someone laugh, its totally worth it! So, in this gloomy weather, I've decided to not stop myself from being a clown, if it brings some cheer around! Who wants to wait till Christmas? And at the end of the day, it IS alright to feel like a kid, when we ain't getting any younger. With assignments and grading sheets piling up, FOBness came to my rescue because it gave me something to smile about and remind myself that I don't have to be serious all the time!
Thanks RKP for this, because it really kept my mind off other things! It always does when you mention it :)
Be stupid, be cranky, who gives a rat's a#@ anyway if it makes you and someone else grin like it's nobody's business!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Ma Vie!
So this is it. New york! Hello all, welcome to my long long oh so long overdue blog. Maybe a new beginning takes a while to blog about!
Am here now, in this moment, in Troy, a small town close to Albany, the capital of the state of New York. Never in my life did I think I'd be coming here! I applied to tell you the truth, just for the heck of it. I hadn't begun dreaming the MS dream until I got this admit. My folks said, " Pooch you apply anyway, we'll see what to do next after that. For now you just focus on your applications. " The whole application process was traumatic. Drafting tens of SOPs and recommendation letters only to draft some more. The most influential piece of advice was given by a cousin of mine who asked me to NOT to go by the concept of "safe schools", which is what I would have done otherwise. He said, why would anyone want to go to a safe school if it weren't motivated by the sole decision of just setting foot in foreign soil? That made perfect sense and to my horror, I realized I had to rethink my choice of grad schools. Oh what tension! I had about a month to apply before I missed the deadlines. Plus, university exams were round the corner. Somehow, I did a lot of soul searching, asked myself a zillion times if I wanted to apply here and here AND here, and did it anyway. That meant, one crazy 6 pm auto ride to Blue Dart, 13 kms away, waiting for my turn, writing in the addresses, fishing out my discount coupons, and finally 2 hours later, returned a tired, weary, angry and confused self. Anyway, the story had a happy ending, or rather a happy beginning, so all the sweat and blood was worth it! What I realized in this gamble was that, the word "practical" holds no meaning in my life. If I had been practical, I wouldn't have applied, because my GRE score wasn't great, my GPA wasn't killer, I ALMOST missed deadlines, I really didn't have it all going my way. I held on to the small ray of hope that said "TRY". Anyway, in the end, it all worked out well, so that's the moral of the story. TRY.
Now am here, in the state of New York, in a state of utter "new-ism". I am trying to embrace the fact that everything is new and different. Each day is a day of adjustment, I wouldn't say struggle, but adjustment. Obviously, if you come to the US, you can't call adjustment a struggle because things are really easy going here. Everything is automated and easy to figure out. That's why living in US is considered a luxury. I can't comment on that much, because I'm forced out of my comfort zone. For instance, the other day, we went to the college union for lunch. I picked up a plate of Nachos and hot sauce. The hot sauce was so bland and the chef said, "careful, it's spicy". I was like, "have you had Indian food?" Of course I didn't say that. After two spoonfuls, I had to literally force it down to make my 7 bucks worth it. Who was I kidding, after 5 mouthfuls, I just HAD to stop. After that day, I haven't ordered anything that remotely looked bland. It was Indian cooking to my rescue! I love my Indian food and spices and my sambhar and rasam and dosas and chapatis, not necessarily in that combination though! Oh am so glad that my mom wrote down recipes in a nice black notebook. I know there are black books for phone numbers but a black book of recipes? Cute! So, that was what I meant by comfort zone.
Ok, let me write a little about my glimpses of a couple of states. I landed in Boston. My cousin picked me up. Boston looked like such a chilled out city. Not too many cars on the road, not too many people on the sidewalk. I was there for about 4 days, filled with many visits of ATT, Apple, Best Buy, Sears. I think that is what any Indian student would do on her first visit to US! Many sights and tired walks later, I left for Troy. It couldn't get more deserted than the Thar desert on a winter night! But of course, our true Indian spirits will always find a fellow Indian to cling on to, and that's how I met many an Indian because it was Independence Day! My prospective flat mate and I went house hunting the next day and sealed the deal with a landlord that very day. We moved in after 2 lazy days! Then began the never ending trips to Walmart and Price Chopper! Thank god for friends with cars and strong hands!! I was fortunate to fall into a perfect friend circle and I don't mean that in opportunistic way at all.
I don't want to bore you with intricate details of my settling in et all. Let me get to the interesting part. The second sunday in Troy, the Indian students organized a trip to Six Flags, Springfield, Massachusetts. And what a day that was. The two hour uneventful bus ride was totally worth it. My jaw dropped the minute I saw the humongous roller coasters! And I went deaf with all the screaming going on around me! Those were my first ever roller coasters and I was thrilled to bits just waiting in the queue to get on one of those! It didn't matter who was around me because it was something I was desperately waiting for since my days back in India where I spent hours drooling on Discovery Channel's "Top ten coasters". I never thought I'd see the day! And then it happened :) I leave the "what I was feeling then" part to your imagination! (Don't forget to let it run wild).
Then came classes and teaching hours. I thought it would be hectic. And I was right. It so is. But am enjoying it so far. It's not yet time to complain. Along came the long weekend, and we left for my biggest dream trip of my life. New York City! It was LEGEN - (wait for it) - DARY, like I imagined it to be. The dirty subways, the typical New Yorker with a coffee in hand, the typical fashionista on high heels, Bloomingdales, petite french cafes and cheap pubs, sun kissing sky scrapers, reflections of perfectly clear clouds on glass buildings, doves in the park, street musicians playing lovely Jazz, NYU (where I almost went), Broadway and xth street, East Village, Wall street, New York Stock Exchange, the metallic bull, plenty of sellers selling I love NY tees and sweatshirts, architecture that left you in awe, architecture that made no sense, Star Bucks at every corner, plenty of residents walking dogs of all breeds, plenty of people who didn't care. All that in just one hour of arrival. Then we went to New Jersey to a friend's place for a while. Can there be a more stark difference between New York and New Jersey? For starter's Jersey is full of Indians, it's literally mini India. But apart from that, it was empty with not many buildings. After we rested our legs for a while, we headed back to NYC. Where else can one go at 10 pm on a saturday night but the one and only epic Times Square! I was at a loss of words. I felt like one of those actors who stands in the middle of the square with arms out and the whole place goes round and round! Although it was crazy crowded that I couldn't as much as stretch out my palm. Many moments of silence and slow sinking in of the realization that we were in the most happening place in the world, we left for some more sight seeing. It was like a sin not to be intoxicated that night according to my friends. I didn't want to be a wet blanket so I dragged along! It was fun to watch people transitioning from sober to tipsy to high! After they drowned a couple of beers and shots, they wanted to head to the next pub. Singing out aloud, holding hands, limping coz of sheer tiredness, we went to the nearest next destination. Unfortunately, the bouncer felt I didn't have a valid ID proof. Apparently I didn't look my age, and wasn't let in. So eventually I did become the party pooper. Gloomily, we headed back to the apartment in Jersey city to get some sleep and because we had a very early bus to catch the next morning.
I woke up with a hang over. A hang over of plain New York-ness. That was my source of intoxication. That was all I needed to get high. I will always remember that first trip to the city. I cannot explain what it meant that I was able to go to NYC on my own. My parents used to tell me, "we're not going to go on a family holiday abroad because we want you to go on your own on a scholarship". I replied saying "Why do you keep such high expectations?" They said "If you badly want to go, you will make it on your own and believe us, you will thank us for that feeling of satisfaction of going on your own". Now I know they are right.
Thank you Papa and Amma for loving me the way you did. Thank you for making me independent enough to be here and to be able to write this tonight.
Absorbing this moment, now and here.
P.S : I didn't edit this a second time, so please excuse any spelling or grammatical mistakes.
Am here now, in this moment, in Troy, a small town close to Albany, the capital of the state of New York. Never in my life did I think I'd be coming here! I applied to tell you the truth, just for the heck of it. I hadn't begun dreaming the MS dream until I got this admit. My folks said, " Pooch you apply anyway, we'll see what to do next after that. For now you just focus on your applications. " The whole application process was traumatic. Drafting tens of SOPs and recommendation letters only to draft some more. The most influential piece of advice was given by a cousin of mine who asked me to NOT to go by the concept of "safe schools", which is what I would have done otherwise. He said, why would anyone want to go to a safe school if it weren't motivated by the sole decision of just setting foot in foreign soil? That made perfect sense and to my horror, I realized I had to rethink my choice of grad schools. Oh what tension! I had about a month to apply before I missed the deadlines. Plus, university exams were round the corner. Somehow, I did a lot of soul searching, asked myself a zillion times if I wanted to apply here and here AND here, and did it anyway. That meant, one crazy 6 pm auto ride to Blue Dart, 13 kms away, waiting for my turn, writing in the addresses, fishing out my discount coupons, and finally 2 hours later, returned a tired, weary, angry and confused self. Anyway, the story had a happy ending, or rather a happy beginning, so all the sweat and blood was worth it! What I realized in this gamble was that, the word "practical" holds no meaning in my life. If I had been practical, I wouldn't have applied, because my GRE score wasn't great, my GPA wasn't killer, I ALMOST missed deadlines, I really didn't have it all going my way. I held on to the small ray of hope that said "TRY". Anyway, in the end, it all worked out well, so that's the moral of the story. TRY.
Now am here, in the state of New York, in a state of utter "new-ism". I am trying to embrace the fact that everything is new and different. Each day is a day of adjustment, I wouldn't say struggle, but adjustment. Obviously, if you come to the US, you can't call adjustment a struggle because things are really easy going here. Everything is automated and easy to figure out. That's why living in US is considered a luxury. I can't comment on that much, because I'm forced out of my comfort zone. For instance, the other day, we went to the college union for lunch. I picked up a plate of Nachos and hot sauce. The hot sauce was so bland and the chef said, "careful, it's spicy". I was like, "have you had Indian food?" Of course I didn't say that. After two spoonfuls, I had to literally force it down to make my 7 bucks worth it. Who was I kidding, after 5 mouthfuls, I just HAD to stop. After that day, I haven't ordered anything that remotely looked bland. It was Indian cooking to my rescue! I love my Indian food and spices and my sambhar and rasam and dosas and chapatis, not necessarily in that combination though! Oh am so glad that my mom wrote down recipes in a nice black notebook. I know there are black books for phone numbers but a black book of recipes? Cute! So, that was what I meant by comfort zone.
Ok, let me write a little about my glimpses of a couple of states. I landed in Boston. My cousin picked me up. Boston looked like such a chilled out city. Not too many cars on the road, not too many people on the sidewalk. I was there for about 4 days, filled with many visits of ATT, Apple, Best Buy, Sears. I think that is what any Indian student would do on her first visit to US! Many sights and tired walks later, I left for Troy. It couldn't get more deserted than the Thar desert on a winter night! But of course, our true Indian spirits will always find a fellow Indian to cling on to, and that's how I met many an Indian because it was Independence Day! My prospective flat mate and I went house hunting the next day and sealed the deal with a landlord that very day. We moved in after 2 lazy days! Then began the never ending trips to Walmart and Price Chopper! Thank god for friends with cars and strong hands!! I was fortunate to fall into a perfect friend circle and I don't mean that in opportunistic way at all.
I don't want to bore you with intricate details of my settling in et all. Let me get to the interesting part. The second sunday in Troy, the Indian students organized a trip to Six Flags, Springfield, Massachusetts. And what a day that was. The two hour uneventful bus ride was totally worth it. My jaw dropped the minute I saw the humongous roller coasters! And I went deaf with all the screaming going on around me! Those were my first ever roller coasters and I was thrilled to bits just waiting in the queue to get on one of those! It didn't matter who was around me because it was something I was desperately waiting for since my days back in India where I spent hours drooling on Discovery Channel's "Top ten coasters". I never thought I'd see the day! And then it happened :) I leave the "what I was feeling then" part to your imagination! (Don't forget to let it run wild).
Then came classes and teaching hours. I thought it would be hectic. And I was right. It so is. But am enjoying it so far. It's not yet time to complain. Along came the long weekend, and we left for my biggest dream trip of my life. New York City! It was LEGEN - (wait for it) - DARY, like I imagined it to be. The dirty subways, the typical New Yorker with a coffee in hand, the typical fashionista on high heels, Bloomingdales, petite french cafes and cheap pubs, sun kissing sky scrapers, reflections of perfectly clear clouds on glass buildings, doves in the park, street musicians playing lovely Jazz, NYU (where I almost went), Broadway and xth street, East Village, Wall street, New York Stock Exchange, the metallic bull, plenty of sellers selling I love NY tees and sweatshirts, architecture that left you in awe, architecture that made no sense, Star Bucks at every corner, plenty of residents walking dogs of all breeds, plenty of people who didn't care. All that in just one hour of arrival. Then we went to New Jersey to a friend's place for a while. Can there be a more stark difference between New York and New Jersey? For starter's Jersey is full of Indians, it's literally mini India. But apart from that, it was empty with not many buildings. After we rested our legs for a while, we headed back to NYC. Where else can one go at 10 pm on a saturday night but the one and only epic Times Square! I was at a loss of words. I felt like one of those actors who stands in the middle of the square with arms out and the whole place goes round and round! Although it was crazy crowded that I couldn't as much as stretch out my palm. Many moments of silence and slow sinking in of the realization that we were in the most happening place in the world, we left for some more sight seeing. It was like a sin not to be intoxicated that night according to my friends. I didn't want to be a wet blanket so I dragged along! It was fun to watch people transitioning from sober to tipsy to high! After they drowned a couple of beers and shots, they wanted to head to the next pub. Singing out aloud, holding hands, limping coz of sheer tiredness, we went to the nearest next destination. Unfortunately, the bouncer felt I didn't have a valid ID proof. Apparently I didn't look my age, and wasn't let in. So eventually I did become the party pooper. Gloomily, we headed back to the apartment in Jersey city to get some sleep and because we had a very early bus to catch the next morning.
I woke up with a hang over. A hang over of plain New York-ness. That was my source of intoxication. That was all I needed to get high. I will always remember that first trip to the city. I cannot explain what it meant that I was able to go to NYC on my own. My parents used to tell me, "we're not going to go on a family holiday abroad because we want you to go on your own on a scholarship". I replied saying "Why do you keep such high expectations?" They said "If you badly want to go, you will make it on your own and believe us, you will thank us for that feeling of satisfaction of going on your own". Now I know they are right.
Thank you Papa and Amma for loving me the way you did. Thank you for making me independent enough to be here and to be able to write this tonight.
Absorbing this moment, now and here.
P.S : I didn't edit this a second time, so please excuse any spelling or grammatical mistakes.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Slow down my beating heart, slow down..
Are you lonesome tonight?
Oh you betcha! That is a popular song by the king of pop, curled lip Elvis Presley :) I was listening to it the other night and couldn't help but feel a mixed bag of emotional sorts. Well this isn't going to be another cliched blog I hope.
Songs always get you thinking and get you thinking hard. When there are only about 60 days of college left, the pressure is on for what not. Choices are all present but decisions have to be made. Its times like these when I do not want to make my own decisions. I want to hire someone who does the thinking for me when it comes to making decisions on my life.
They say home's where the heart is. It was until three months ago. Ever since then, I haven't thought of going home except for some home food that I miss now and then :) I have become attached to the life I am so used to here in college. Getting up at 12 pm, getting a frantic call from a friend "where are you? what about lunch?" and then, me saying "bas just half n hour yar" and his/her reply "yar jaldi aa, feeling very hungry" :) So finally, I get ready and go an hour late! Have lunch just because I've paid the mess fee and then deciding what next. Someone says "We've to get back to work cause the report's due on 29th!" and then as usual, I always being the first to come up with "Ok, but first a cold coffee pls". And the conversations are endless! All through out the day, people join in and people leave the conversations. At the end of the day, I always end up having very heavy discussions with some of them and ultimately have a huge ringing in my head that says "How can I leave Pune?" that is almost always heard by one of my precious friends who answers "Tu mat jaa na, we'll all be here in Pune, I don't care, you're not leaving!" Emotional atyachaar is what it turns out to be every day end!
How do people make decisions without the slightest thought that they might regret it? That is one thought that haunts me daily. I am a sucker for friends as many people already might know. I can go all the way for them, or not do anything at all. The times I've gone out of my way to prove something, I have made a fool of myself. I do not want to do that again but it is difficult to put your mind and not your heart when you're so used to thinking with your heart. What if I weigh my options and decide that sticking around in Pune is better and then ultimately my friends move on in life. What then? My judgement call would be inevitably proved wrong. The people around me move on and get focussed, while am waiting around. At the same time, if I leave Pune, I am missing out on many things. I used to be a very ambitious person until college happened. Then things kinda took a detour and my priorities were washed up against some island like waves hitting the shore. If it was the 16 year old me doing the blogging now, I wouldn't be blogging about how confused I am, rather, I would be blogging about how happy I am now that I've finally got a chance to live my dream. What has happened to that ambition and that unquenchable thirst to make it big in life?
I have realized that money is not my happiness. Success may or may not be my happiness. That source of happiness for me is a feeling of wanting to do something that would make someone smile. That is what I want to do. Jobs and degrees come and go. But every life has an inner purpose and mine strongly asks me to spread some cheer. If I haven't been able to do that up until now, I want to do that as I tread along the years. I have pictured myself in a small country home with a loving family, always happy and always learning. However, I do not intend to take a step back and let my intellect go to waste. All I'm saying is that, higher salaries and pay packages do not attract me. Yet. I do not know what the future has in store for me. As of now, when I'm around some special people, I melt. They have taught me to live in the present even if they are very focused on their lives and are clear about what they want to do. I am happy being with them and being around them. I hope the Lord gives me strength when the time comes for me to let go. Goodbyes are always hard. Late goodbyes are even worse.
I hope the big man above is listening and I hope he goes easy on me. That is all for now.
Are You Lonesome Tonight,
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
Does your memory stray
To a bright summer day
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?
Do you gaze at your doorstep
And picture me there?
Is your heart filled with pain,
Shall I come back again?
Tell me, dear, Are You Lonesome Tonight?
I wonder if you are lonesome tonight
You know someone said that the world's a stage
And we each must play a part.
Faith had me playing in love with you as my sweet heart.
Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance
You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue
Then came act 2, you seemed to change and you acted strange
And why I'll never know.
Honey, you lied when you said you loved me
And I had no cause to doubt you.
But I'd rather go on hearing your lies
Than to go on living without you.
Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there
With emptiness all around
And if you won't come back to me
Then they can bring the curtain down.
-Elvis Presley
Oh you betcha! That is a popular song by the king of pop, curled lip Elvis Presley :) I was listening to it the other night and couldn't help but feel a mixed bag of emotional sorts. Well this isn't going to be another cliched blog I hope.
Songs always get you thinking and get you thinking hard. When there are only about 60 days of college left, the pressure is on for what not. Choices are all present but decisions have to be made. Its times like these when I do not want to make my own decisions. I want to hire someone who does the thinking for me when it comes to making decisions on my life.
They say home's where the heart is. It was until three months ago. Ever since then, I haven't thought of going home except for some home food that I miss now and then :) I have become attached to the life I am so used to here in college. Getting up at 12 pm, getting a frantic call from a friend "where are you? what about lunch?" and then, me saying "bas just half n hour yar" and his/her reply "yar jaldi aa, feeling very hungry" :) So finally, I get ready and go an hour late! Have lunch just because I've paid the mess fee and then deciding what next. Someone says "We've to get back to work cause the report's due on 29th!" and then as usual, I always being the first to come up with "Ok, but first a cold coffee pls". And the conversations are endless! All through out the day, people join in and people leave the conversations. At the end of the day, I always end up having very heavy discussions with some of them and ultimately have a huge ringing in my head that says "How can I leave Pune?" that is almost always heard by one of my precious friends who answers "Tu mat jaa na, we'll all be here in Pune, I don't care, you're not leaving!" Emotional atyachaar is what it turns out to be every day end!
How do people make decisions without the slightest thought that they might regret it? That is one thought that haunts me daily. I am a sucker for friends as many people already might know. I can go all the way for them, or not do anything at all. The times I've gone out of my way to prove something, I have made a fool of myself. I do not want to do that again but it is difficult to put your mind and not your heart when you're so used to thinking with your heart. What if I weigh my options and decide that sticking around in Pune is better and then ultimately my friends move on in life. What then? My judgement call would be inevitably proved wrong. The people around me move on and get focussed, while am waiting around. At the same time, if I leave Pune, I am missing out on many things. I used to be a very ambitious person until college happened. Then things kinda took a detour and my priorities were washed up against some island like waves hitting the shore. If it was the 16 year old me doing the blogging now, I wouldn't be blogging about how confused I am, rather, I would be blogging about how happy I am now that I've finally got a chance to live my dream. What has happened to that ambition and that unquenchable thirst to make it big in life?
I have realized that money is not my happiness. Success may or may not be my happiness. That source of happiness for me is a feeling of wanting to do something that would make someone smile. That is what I want to do. Jobs and degrees come and go. But every life has an inner purpose and mine strongly asks me to spread some cheer. If I haven't been able to do that up until now, I want to do that as I tread along the years. I have pictured myself in a small country home with a loving family, always happy and always learning. However, I do not intend to take a step back and let my intellect go to waste. All I'm saying is that, higher salaries and pay packages do not attract me. Yet. I do not know what the future has in store for me. As of now, when I'm around some special people, I melt. They have taught me to live in the present even if they are very focused on their lives and are clear about what they want to do. I am happy being with them and being around them. I hope the Lord gives me strength when the time comes for me to let go. Goodbyes are always hard. Late goodbyes are even worse.
I hope the big man above is listening and I hope he goes easy on me. That is all for now.
Are You Lonesome Tonight,
Do you miss me tonight?
Are you sorry we drifted apart?
Does your memory stray
To a bright summer day
When I kissed you and called you sweetheart
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?
Do you gaze at your doorstep
And picture me there?
Is your heart filled with pain,
Shall I come back again?
Tell me, dear, Are You Lonesome Tonight?
I wonder if you are lonesome tonight
You know someone said that the world's a stage
And we each must play a part.
Faith had me playing in love with you as my sweet heart.
Act one was when we met, I loved you at first glance
You read your lines so cleverly and never missed a cue
Then came act 2, you seemed to change and you acted strange
And why I'll never know.
Honey, you lied when you said you loved me
And I had no cause to doubt you.
But I'd rather go on hearing your lies
Than to go on living without you.
Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there
With emptiness all around
And if you won't come back to me
Then they can bring the curtain down.
-Elvis Presley
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
When the clock ticks!
Hello amigos, welcome back! I have been having too much of a lovely time in Pune to be writing blogs and this and that! I'll give you a sneak peak anyhow!
Why is it essential human tendency to realize things when time seems to be running out? With an hourglass on my head, I've been running around like a mad chicken, gathering every second of my life in Pune and trying to make it exciting! I have somewhat succeeded too! College is finally coming to an end. Nevertheless, this blog isn't a walk down memory lane and all that nauseating nostalgia! I'll save that for later. Rather, I want to write about the walk down the present alleys and future lanes.
Let bygones remain bygones my friend and lets not change anything for now. Have no regrets like I mention in every blog. Sometimes the people you least expect, can change your perspective about general day to day stuff. That's what happened to me. People. The right bunch of right attitudes. And a good balance with quirkiness amongst other things. Every night before bed, they leave me wondering, "Where have they been all this while?". Folks, our biggest enemy is our ego. It sucks out the real you and sort of puts a false sheath on you that turns you into wannabes. I have somehow managed to overcome this sheath and have begun to accept people, new people, old people, random people and not so random ones too! A lot of misjudgments have been put in their right place, namely the emotional dustbin. Seriously, the world is a better place through my eyes now that I found my emotional dustbin.
Once that ego began to drain, I found myself open to a lot more conversation and a lot more agreeable. I was happy with myself. Something that I wasn't for the first three years of engineering. All this while, I have been trying to be someone I was not, just for the sake of being accepted socially. I have made drastic judgements and have had the tendency to over act. But with some guiding light from above, I have been able to see which part of this jigsaw I fit in. I have learnt so much more in the past 2 months than I have in all these years, thanks to some flawless people. Yes there are such people. I failed to notice them earlier, but now they are in my light and I see them clearly. Old friends will always occupy a special soft corner in my life, as they were there when I needed them. I still need them. My past and its memories are so tightly bound with them. And hence they are me. The real challenge in life is not to figure out who you can count on, but in fact the challenge is who can count on you. I believe I have a partial answer to that, which I plan to solidify in the coming one month. I want my future to be held by those hands that believe in me, that believe I have a role to play in their lives. I want to be worth it. I want to be that friend who they will always remember. And while the clock is still ticking and the heart is still beating, I know that I have already carved an image on those that matter. They are my future and they are my lifelong companions. I am so overwhelmed right now that words fail me. They have given me so much in so little time and I am blessed to have found them.
Cheers to radical realizations!
Dedicated to fudge, prado and cherry. I cannot imagine a day without you.
More later!
Why is it essential human tendency to realize things when time seems to be running out? With an hourglass on my head, I've been running around like a mad chicken, gathering every second of my life in Pune and trying to make it exciting! I have somewhat succeeded too! College is finally coming to an end. Nevertheless, this blog isn't a walk down memory lane and all that nauseating nostalgia! I'll save that for later. Rather, I want to write about the walk down the present alleys and future lanes.
Let bygones remain bygones my friend and lets not change anything for now. Have no regrets like I mention in every blog. Sometimes the people you least expect, can change your perspective about general day to day stuff. That's what happened to me. People. The right bunch of right attitudes. And a good balance with quirkiness amongst other things. Every night before bed, they leave me wondering, "Where have they been all this while?". Folks, our biggest enemy is our ego. It sucks out the real you and sort of puts a false sheath on you that turns you into wannabes. I have somehow managed to overcome this sheath and have begun to accept people, new people, old people, random people and not so random ones too! A lot of misjudgments have been put in their right place, namely the emotional dustbin. Seriously, the world is a better place through my eyes now that I found my emotional dustbin.
Once that ego began to drain, I found myself open to a lot more conversation and a lot more agreeable. I was happy with myself. Something that I wasn't for the first three years of engineering. All this while, I have been trying to be someone I was not, just for the sake of being accepted socially. I have made drastic judgements and have had the tendency to over act. But with some guiding light from above, I have been able to see which part of this jigsaw I fit in. I have learnt so much more in the past 2 months than I have in all these years, thanks to some flawless people. Yes there are such people. I failed to notice them earlier, but now they are in my light and I see them clearly. Old friends will always occupy a special soft corner in my life, as they were there when I needed them. I still need them. My past and its memories are so tightly bound with them. And hence they are me. The real challenge in life is not to figure out who you can count on, but in fact the challenge is who can count on you. I believe I have a partial answer to that, which I plan to solidify in the coming one month. I want my future to be held by those hands that believe in me, that believe I have a role to play in their lives. I want to be worth it. I want to be that friend who they will always remember. And while the clock is still ticking and the heart is still beating, I know that I have already carved an image on those that matter. They are my future and they are my lifelong companions. I am so overwhelmed right now that words fail me. They have given me so much in so little time and I am blessed to have found them.
Cheers to radical realizations!
Dedicated to fudge, prado and cherry. I cannot imagine a day without you.
More later!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Wanderlust coming alive!
Goa! My first peregrination all alone. My first experience that I can actually call an experience. An experience that makes me think about writing travelogues seriously. So you're wondering why Goa, that too alone? Here's how it began. (Jeez, I can make a story out of anything!)
The trip started with a train journey to Vasco de Gama from Pune. It was hot, humid and the train was running an hour late. I had none of my "gang" mates with me! I thought the trip was going to be a purely serious one. Little did I know, that was only part of the master plan :)
The train arrives on platform 3. We get on board. Stash our luggage and just wait for the awkward silence to break. The train luggs along. Finally, we start talking. The comfort level increases minute by minute. Before we know it, we're talking to these crazy 2nd year engineers from Baramati! And in an instant, we're laughing, we're talking, we're sharing food, sharing memories, sharing hopes and sharing expectations! Never have I had so much fun on a train! And then Goa beckoned.
We reached a little after 8 and headed straight to the accommodation, namely the girl's common room in the hostel. What a clutter that was. Dusty mattresses, questionable corners, and not to mention the heat. It was like a furnace inside that room alone. Nevertheless, I shaked off the negativity and got fresh.
By this time, I was part of this entirely different "gang" :) And was enjoying it too! I know it sounds like 4th grade all over again, but that was how it was! We roamed around the campus a bit, thinking of what to do in that huge place. We learnt that there were taxi services available to guide us around outside the campus. Before I could take it in, I was at Majorda beach, South Goa. All throughout my life in Cochin and around its beaches, I was just about as protected as a seed within a fruit. Now, I could finally taste some adventure! It was scary at first, but I found it hard to resist! Next stop, Kolva beach, South Goa. The sun was setting in a dusky sky. Smiles in the air, and just pure clean fun :) The water was welcoming and very gentle. I was dragged in and leaving my baggage of tension at the edge of the water, I just gave in. And what a feeling it was to have that tingling salt in the mouth, cool water around, calm waves enveloping us all, in that golden backdrop. Even better was what came after that. We were wet, cold and looked like we had just stepped out of that jar of salt in your kitchen! There was no electricity anywhere near Kolva. The dump of a changing place immediately made us desperate for other options! So I walked up to this hotel reception and asked if they would allow the whole bunch of us to use their washrooms! They agreed and it was such a relief! All went well and the day was coming to an end. Oh, one tiny detail, we were staying at BITS-Goa for a project competition :) A little bit of preparation was due even after such a tiring day.
Day two was power packed. That day we had to present our project ideas. It was hectic while it lasted. But turned out well in the end! We didn't wait for the results, we went on with planning what next, where to go and how to! None of us had the energy to go anywhere so we decided to play the charades! It went on for over an hour and we got so involved that we decided to keep charades as our post dinner session however tired we were! That's when things got really funny and all the inhibitions just melted. I am so glad we did that!
We took the next day very easy. Exploring the campus, talking about endless nonsense and taking pictures of geese was the "agenda" :) It went according to plan! The boys also played some funny game of balancing themselves on one leg or something like that and won themselves some mozilla card holders (of all the things :D) . The day proceeded with exciting chocolate golas and star gazing. The funny thing about stars is that they make you go all cooky and weak in your knees you know :) It's easy to talk about a lot of things if you are just looking up at those shiny dots while lying on grass!
The next day was the busiest of the lot. We were on our toes from 9 am! Goa really lived up to its popularity in terms of heat and humidity. I was accustomed to this in Cochin, but even then I couldn't handle it. No amount of sun screen or sun block could block the Goan sun! We set out for the heritage church of St. Francis. The wood work and the interiors were exquisite. The ceilings were high just like how I'd imagined it to be. Churches always fascinate me. They are built so beautifully and makes me feel like I have been there before. Atleast thats how I feel and its one of the places I realize, that I go really quiet! Makes me think a lot! Anyway, thats me and churches. Next we headed for Donna Paula. A spot with a lot of history attached. I will not jot them down here because you have to see it for yourselves. A ferry ride took us to the city of Panjim and we went straight to Fort Aguada. After the Udaipur Lake Palace, this is the next best thing I've dreamt about. Maybe its too much of the Dil Chahta Hai effect! It is my favourite movie after all! Anyway, the fort was magnifique in all its grandeur even at this time and age. Looking at the ocean and the ships sail by, I did some soul searching. I didn't want to leave and had to force myself to look away from the ocean and be on my way. Next, we were at Condulum beach. It was less crowded but in that scorching heat who notices that! All of us were too tired to dive into the water like we did the other day so we just stood and watched the sights around us. Sometimes thats all it takes to make you feel like you are living the moment! You don't need to be part of the moment to be in it then ;) . After we took in the Condulum sand and sea, we drove to Calangute beach. To our horror, it was jam packed. We really didn't understand why it was called the "Golden Beach". All we could see around were minimally clothed men! It wasn't so much fun. But that was when the results of the competition came via phone! We were second runners up! Elated, we forgot everything else and went into a state of abso-frolic! True, it was all forgotten until that phone call :).
The best part of the entire the trip was the cruise on the last evening. For a dirt cheap 150 bucks, speaking for myself, I really enjoyed it. I was finally aware of where I was, who all were with me, and who I am. It cannot be explained, the feeling that came over me during that one hour. I would like to call it closure. Closure from everything else that has been haunting me for a long long time. I know it sounds vague, but I plan to write it down soon. We drove back to BITS, sunburnt and feverish. There was no time for charades that night. I was yapping away though to a couple of friends. I was taking in most of the campus' sights and sounds for the last night there. After a very tiring day, I retired feeling a little upset and a lot happier than I had imagined. Upset for obvious reasons such as my Goa trip coming to an end and happy for even more obvious reasons. It was my first time in Goa and it will always remain my most memorable trip in all my college years. I returned a happier and chirpier person on the inside. Now let's see how long that lasts huh ;) .
That was my Goan jaunt as I'd like to call it now on. Travelogues are tough! This is so not how you write it!! But I plan to get better, you'll see!
P.S : If you want something really badly, and if you hope with all your heart that you do get it, somewhere a door would open and it is only a matter of time before you see it. Never lose hope.
The trip started with a train journey to Vasco de Gama from Pune. It was hot, humid and the train was running an hour late. I had none of my "gang" mates with me! I thought the trip was going to be a purely serious one. Little did I know, that was only part of the master plan :)
The train arrives on platform 3. We get on board. Stash our luggage and just wait for the awkward silence to break. The train luggs along. Finally, we start talking. The comfort level increases minute by minute. Before we know it, we're talking to these crazy 2nd year engineers from Baramati! And in an instant, we're laughing, we're talking, we're sharing food, sharing memories, sharing hopes and sharing expectations! Never have I had so much fun on a train! And then Goa beckoned.
We reached a little after 8 and headed straight to the accommodation, namely the girl's common room in the hostel. What a clutter that was. Dusty mattresses, questionable corners, and not to mention the heat. It was like a furnace inside that room alone. Nevertheless, I shaked off the negativity and got fresh.
By this time, I was part of this entirely different "gang" :) And was enjoying it too! I know it sounds like 4th grade all over again, but that was how it was! We roamed around the campus a bit, thinking of what to do in that huge place. We learnt that there were taxi services available to guide us around outside the campus. Before I could take it in, I was at Majorda beach, South Goa. All throughout my life in Cochin and around its beaches, I was just about as protected as a seed within a fruit. Now, I could finally taste some adventure! It was scary at first, but I found it hard to resist! Next stop, Kolva beach, South Goa. The sun was setting in a dusky sky. Smiles in the air, and just pure clean fun :) The water was welcoming and very gentle. I was dragged in and leaving my baggage of tension at the edge of the water, I just gave in. And what a feeling it was to have that tingling salt in the mouth, cool water around, calm waves enveloping us all, in that golden backdrop. Even better was what came after that. We were wet, cold and looked like we had just stepped out of that jar of salt in your kitchen! There was no electricity anywhere near Kolva. The dump of a changing place immediately made us desperate for other options! So I walked up to this hotel reception and asked if they would allow the whole bunch of us to use their washrooms! They agreed and it was such a relief! All went well and the day was coming to an end. Oh, one tiny detail, we were staying at BITS-Goa for a project competition :) A little bit of preparation was due even after such a tiring day.
Day two was power packed. That day we had to present our project ideas. It was hectic while it lasted. But turned out well in the end! We didn't wait for the results, we went on with planning what next, where to go and how to! None of us had the energy to go anywhere so we decided to play the charades! It went on for over an hour and we got so involved that we decided to keep charades as our post dinner session however tired we were! That's when things got really funny and all the inhibitions just melted. I am so glad we did that!
We took the next day very easy. Exploring the campus, talking about endless nonsense and taking pictures of geese was the "agenda" :) It went according to plan! The boys also played some funny game of balancing themselves on one leg or something like that and won themselves some mozilla card holders (of all the things :D) . The day proceeded with exciting chocolate golas and star gazing. The funny thing about stars is that they make you go all cooky and weak in your knees you know :) It's easy to talk about a lot of things if you are just looking up at those shiny dots while lying on grass!
The next day was the busiest of the lot. We were on our toes from 9 am! Goa really lived up to its popularity in terms of heat and humidity. I was accustomed to this in Cochin, but even then I couldn't handle it. No amount of sun screen or sun block could block the Goan sun! We set out for the heritage church of St. Francis. The wood work and the interiors were exquisite. The ceilings were high just like how I'd imagined it to be. Churches always fascinate me. They are built so beautifully and makes me feel like I have been there before. Atleast thats how I feel and its one of the places I realize, that I go really quiet! Makes me think a lot! Anyway, thats me and churches. Next we headed for Donna Paula. A spot with a lot of history attached. I will not jot them down here because you have to see it for yourselves. A ferry ride took us to the city of Panjim and we went straight to Fort Aguada. After the Udaipur Lake Palace, this is the next best thing I've dreamt about. Maybe its too much of the Dil Chahta Hai effect! It is my favourite movie after all! Anyway, the fort was magnifique in all its grandeur even at this time and age. Looking at the ocean and the ships sail by, I did some soul searching. I didn't want to leave and had to force myself to look away from the ocean and be on my way. Next, we were at Condulum beach. It was less crowded but in that scorching heat who notices that! All of us were too tired to dive into the water like we did the other day so we just stood and watched the sights around us. Sometimes thats all it takes to make you feel like you are living the moment! You don't need to be part of the moment to be in it then ;) . After we took in the Condulum sand and sea, we drove to Calangute beach. To our horror, it was jam packed. We really didn't understand why it was called the "Golden Beach". All we could see around were minimally clothed men! It wasn't so much fun. But that was when the results of the competition came via phone! We were second runners up! Elated, we forgot everything else and went into a state of abso-frolic! True, it was all forgotten until that phone call :).
The best part of the entire the trip was the cruise on the last evening. For a dirt cheap 150 bucks, speaking for myself, I really enjoyed it. I was finally aware of where I was, who all were with me, and who I am. It cannot be explained, the feeling that came over me during that one hour. I would like to call it closure. Closure from everything else that has been haunting me for a long long time. I know it sounds vague, but I plan to write it down soon. We drove back to BITS, sunburnt and feverish. There was no time for charades that night. I was yapping away though to a couple of friends. I was taking in most of the campus' sights and sounds for the last night there. After a very tiring day, I retired feeling a little upset and a lot happier than I had imagined. Upset for obvious reasons such as my Goa trip coming to an end and happy for even more obvious reasons. It was my first time in Goa and it will always remain my most memorable trip in all my college years. I returned a happier and chirpier person on the inside. Now let's see how long that lasts huh ;) .
That was my Goan jaunt as I'd like to call it now on. Travelogues are tough! This is so not how you write it!! But I plan to get better, you'll see!
P.S : If you want something really badly, and if you hope with all your heart that you do get it, somewhere a door would open and it is only a matter of time before you see it. Never lose hope.
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